What if the past won't let go. Trapped in memories. How to let go of the past so that it will let you go. How to let go of the past if it haunts you

In the life of every person there were periods that I would like to erase from memory. Some, despite all the difficulties, pull themselves together and move to a new stage, only occasionally remembering the shocks that have occurred, others cannot help but think about the past, thereby depriving themselves of the chance to be happy in the present and future. No matter what burden of the past haunts you: parting with a loved one, missed opportunities, death of loved ones, betrayal of friends, guilt ... Now is the time to forget the past forever and start living in the present. How to stop living in the past?

Do not think about the past: why does it not let us go?

Many people ask themselves: why do some people, having experienced very serious shocks and trials, quickly recover and start a new life, while others fall into many years of depression and cannot stop living in the past after the unsuccessful completion of a two-month romance?

Psychology can give answers to this, much depends on age, the atmosphere in which a person lived in childhood, on the type of character and personality. And, even if you consider yourself a weak type, who takes any life trials to heart, it does not mean at all that you are not able to cope on your own and not think about the past.

Most often, we cannot forget the past and live in the present, as we feel guilty for the current situation, we are tormented by thoughts that we could have done otherwise - and thereby change the ending ...

... Sometimes the past does not allow us to forget about itself, since we do not let go of past grievances, we believe that we were treated unfairly.

Our bad memories are like a suitcase full of useless rubbish that we habitually carry everywhere with us… Do you need such a load?

… And sometimes it’s impossible to forget the past and live in the present because we like this state of self-pity, we are not ready to change, grow, we are comfortable sitting in our shell, cherishing our grief, closing ourselves off from the whole world around us. This is such masochism. How to change the situation and start enjoying life again?

How to forget the past and start living in the present: 5 steps to a happy life

Healing from old wounds is a complex and often long process, but whatever lies behind our shoulders, each of us can stop living in the past. Here are some steps that will help to part with feelings forever:

1. First step- realize that the past is past, that it is thoughts about it that prevent you from fully living in the present, planning the future. Of course, this is not easy to do, but do you really want to breathe deeply again?

2. step two- sorry. Now it does not matter who is to blame for what happened in the past, and who offended: you or offended you. It is impossible to turn back time, everything has already been done, and your suffering today will not change the fait accompli. Mentally ask for forgiveness or forgive, you can go to church. If you offended a person and know how to contact him, you can call and apologize. And that's it. Turn the page. People have the right to make mistakes: you and your loved ones are no exception. If you think that what you have done earlier is too serious or you have no one to apologize to, switch to caring for others. You cannot change what happened, but you can help others and make their lives better. Volunteer in orphanages, nursing homes or animal shelters – think along these lines.

3. Step three- don't be sorry. Regret about missed opportunities, wasted time, broken relationships is a road to nowhere. Regrets, as well as self-pity, are generally extremely destructive feelings. Try to look at the situation from a different point of view: you have gained experience, you have learned from your mistakes, you will no longer allow this situation to repeat in your life. And you know what else? Suffering and constantly pitying yourself, you destroy not only your own life, but also the lives of those close to you, who find it hard to see you in such a state. Do you feel sorry for them?

Remind yourself often that our life goes only in one direction - into the future, nothing can be turned back. Thinking about what could have been is useless

4. Step Four- reboot. If the pain is still fresh, negative emotions are bursting inside you, do not try to be strong, allow yourself to scream, cry, break a cup in the end for one day. You can go to the gym and frantically beat a punching bag. Throw out the pain outward - it will be easier to forget the past and start living in the present.

5. Step five is the substitution rule. Think about how much time and effort you spend on nothing - not letting go of past grievances and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, you could change for the better. For starters, you can go to the salon, change the color of your hair, get a manicure, radically change your image, or do a search in the end. Sign up for driving courses, learning a foreign language, needlework. And most importantly, go in for sports. Perfectly eliminates unnecessary thoughts yoga. If you have new interests and hobbies in your life, there simply will not be room for regret and thoughts about the burden of the past.

In general, it seems to me that one of the most effective ways to forget the past- to clear the physical space around you: to spend (read where p led me), to organize little things like books and ... Having let go of things from a past life, you really physically feel how life is changing!

Getting rid of the burden of the past and letting go of past grievances is much easier than you think now, the main thing is to start acting right now. In less than a few days, you will be drawn into a new, happy and interesting life.

Probably everyone knows that you need to let go of the past, but how can this be done? Past grievances, suffering, failed relationships - all this is a burden that will constantly drag you down until you get rid of it. Of course, this is not easy to do, and it cannot be done in an instant, but ... This can be done by working on yourself for a long time. If you want to improve your life and dedicate yourself to today and the future, not the past, then here you will find the answer to how you can do it.

Netrusova Svetlana Grigoryevna – Candidate of Medical Sciences, Associate Professor, psychiatrist of the highest category, psychotherapist. You can watch other videos on this topic on our youtube channel.

How to let go of the past life?

How to let go of the past life? There is a whole step by step process:

1. Understand that the past is also an experience

Sometimes we feel shame and regret for what we once did. These feelings do nothing to let go of the past. Why is this happening? The fact is that our moral principles have changed over time, and now what seemed acceptable to us before is no longer so. So should you blame yourself for this? Naturally, no. Because it turns out that you feel shame because you continue to develop. Not very logical, right?

1. The past is in the past

Of course, it sounds rather banal, but it's true - the past is what has already passed. Accordingly, you cannot change it. What remains to be done? Just accept it and let it go. Once you understand this, it will be much easier.

There is a good exercise - write a list of what you would like to redo. Think of situations in the past where you would have acted differently now. What exactly would you do wrong? Why would you change your mind? This exercise is a pretty good and effective psychological move. It will help you analyze your past mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them again.

1. Stick to your moral values

If the thoughts of the past do not give you peace, use one trick. Learn how every time a negative thought from the past comes to mind, replace it with a positive and productive one. You will see, over time you will realize that you can control almost every thought you have. And the negative from the past will no longer have power over you.

1. Reflection

Naturally, it is very difficult to constantly mentally return to those situations that hurt you, but for a complete “cure” it is simply necessary. The next time you remember the most unpleasant situation for you from the past, try to look at it as if from the outside. Imagine that this is not happening to you, but you are just observing the situation. This will help you put aside all emotions, and see the whole situation more "soberly".

1. The obvious must be accepted

Think if you beat yourself up for the mistakes you made in the past all your life, it will help you feel better? Definitely not. That is why it is necessary to do what psychologists call "general cleaning of consciousness." Stop lying to yourself, sort out all the situations that are unpleasant for you, analyze them. Understand what exactly brought you discomfort, what you feel and what causes these feelings. By realizing the cause of your suffering, you will be one step closer to getting rid of it.

1. Turn the old page

After you understand the situations of the past, and accept them, you can turn this old page of your life. Understand that you are no longer the person you used to be. Moreover, those events from your past life also helped you become what you are now. Perhaps then it was a necessity for you to learn something and realize something.

1. Let yourself rest

You have just realized that what has been tormenting you for years is finally gone. Naturally, it will be difficult to immediately start a new life. Give yourself the opportunity to relax and enjoy the peace that you now feel. It's like learning a sport - you won't be able to swim perfectly right away, you will need time to learn. It's exactly the same with life. Don't push yourself, there's more to come!

1. love yourself again

The last, but probably the most important step in letting go of the past is to love yourself again. Listen to your desires and your intuition, be a good and faithful friend to yourself, respect yourself, love yourself ... And, most importantly, never again think that you are the source of all problems. This is not true. Find books on this topic, watch motivating films... And, most importantly, realize that now you are free from the burden of the past and ready to move on.

Let go of the past - get the future

“Let go of the past - you will get the future” is a truth that everyone knows, but not everyone follows it. If you want something new to come into your life, then, first of all, you have to let go of something old. You will see, having said goodbye to past grievances and situations, something good and new will definitely come into your life. You've already made room for him!

But it's one thing to occasionally nostalgic for bygone years, and quite another to live in the past. Colombian writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said, "Don't cry, because it's over. Smile because it was." But it's easy to say "don't cry and smile" if there is nothing attractive in the present! For example, if personal life did not work out, but “after all, twenty years ago I did not know the end of the suitors!”. Or if there was a family before, but not now. The stronger the contrast between the beautiful past and the dull present, the more you want to escape into the past. At least mentally.

Briefly immersing ourselves in happy memories is beneficial: we feel young, healthy and happy again. And we enjoy it. However, it is dangerous to be “stuck” in the past forever, because the longer you live in a world of dreams and illusions, the less you appreciate real life. Instead of seeing the pluses of today (and they certainly are!), you notice only the minuses: “In our time, people were kinder” (gardens are more magnificent, clothes are more beautiful, fountains are bluer). If you do not get out of a minor mood, the matter may end in depression, and the present will seem even more gloomy.

Therefore, you can not "escape" to the past too often. They took out a mental "book of memories", leafed through their favorite pages - and put them back on the shelf. You have something to remember, and it's wonderful. However, one should not idealize the past - then, too, there were problems and worries. Just over time, the bad is forgotten, and the good is remembered. But real life can also give you a lot of joy! However, first you need to learn to live in the present. Here are some tips.

Goodbye nostalgia! How to love the present

Arrange a holiday for yourself: Go visit, or better yet, invite your friends over. Holiday chores will pull you out of the captivity of memories.

Concentrate on what you are doing. For example, if you are baking a cake, feel the joy of this moment: the warmth of the hearth, the smell of cinnamon, the happy faces of children and grandchildren. Are you walking in the forest? Take a break from thoughts about the past - be "here and now": listen to the birds singing, the rustling of grass, feel the breath of the wind.

Forgive yourself. People tend to analyze their lives, including negative events. From the height of past years, it seems that it was possible to act differently: “If I had been more tolerant, my husband would not have left”, “If I had not yelled at the boss, I would now work in a good place.” But what is the point of constantly torturing yourself with these “if only”? You can't roll your life back. All you can do is work on the mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future. And torturing yourself in vain is the path to neurosis. The only way to say goodbye to regrets about your actions is to forgive yourself and others. Let go of the past and it will let you go.

Stop lying on the couch all day, indulging in nostalgia. Simple household chores (cleaning, shopping), talking on the phone or walking with friends will help you move to the present.

Realize old dreams: learn to drive a car, sign up for foreign language courses, go to theaters, museums. First, a new experience is always interesting. Secondly, it is useful: unusual activity stimulates mental abilities. In addition, by concentrating on learning new things, you are concentrating on the present. Thirdly, new knowledge may be useful to you in the future. Perhaps your finest hour is yet to come!

First Reader

Vladimir Lyovkin:

“We need to try to create for ourselves such a present in which there is no place for negative thoughts. Find yourself some new hobby, hobby and devote all your free time to it. Then there will simply be no time to indulge in unpleasant memories.

Erase painful memories, like Joel and Clementine, is still impossible, although scientists are working on it. For those who are stuck in the past, the only thing left is to learn to let it go. Heroine gives important tips to help you start a new life.

1. Sorry

If the person who hurt you can only offer an apology, accept it. Too bad he didn't build a time machine and come back to fix it, but let's be realistic.

Even if you never hear words of regret from a person, forgive him. This is not a weakness, but a way to get out of the situation as an adult and heal yourself.

2. Live in the present

How to let go of the past? Live in the present. Sounds logical, but it's actually a little more complicated than it looks.

Learn to focus on the moment, fill every day with events, do not leave yourself time for soul-searching. This requires effort, especially if you are not yet very strong in. Life should not be a backdrop to your memories.

3. Sorry

Sometimes we return to the past because of. All you can do is express sincere remorse, but this is not enough. Say what you had to say instead of replaying your regrets in your head. This will help you forget about everything and move on.

4. Set goals

Looking to the future is much more productive than looking back all the time. Think about what you want and focus on achieving your goal. Even if it is a global dream - to start a family, build a career, see many countries - you can do something for this today.

5. Acknowledge your role in what happened

Take responsibility for everything that happened to you and stop looking for extremes.

Realizing your role does not mean shifting all the blame on yourself. Accept who you were, even if it's unpleasant. Do not hide behind the phrases "I was forced", "I was misled." Stop being a plaything in the hands of circumstances. Come to terms with what has already been done and take the time to create a new you.

6. Move away from people who only live in the past.

If someone constantly talks about a time that you want to forget, it's worth saying straight out that you don't like it. Explain that you do not need pity, reproaches, regrets and do not want to discuss this topic anymore. Those who do not understand, you can also leave in the past.

7. Learn a lesson

If you are already delving into memories and past mistakes, do it with benefit. Instead of rhetorically: “Why do I need all this?”, Think: “What did I learn from this.”

It is one thing to turn to the past to make a decision in the present, and another to wander aimlessly in it, wasting emotions on destructive behavior.

There is a lesson in everything that happens to you. And that's the only thing that memories are useful for.

8. Be patient

Trust the healing process. Just because six months have passed and you're still suffering doesn't mean you can't do anything.

It makes no sense to just sit and wait for everything to be forgotten. Ask the Internet: "How to start over" and complain to your friends. New life will not be put under the door with a note: "You deserve it." You have to go and do it yourself: evolve, travel, make new friends and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

9. Give vent to thoughts and emotions

The past is still in your head because you didn't let it come out. Write down all the experiences on paper and burn. Collect everything that reminds you of what happened, and destroy it, the more effective, the better. Arrange your ritual of parting with the past, put an end to this endless internal dialogue.

10. Be grateful

It takes time to realize the benefits of everything that has happened to you. Do not miss the moment when it is time to understand that you have become stronger, smarter, said goodbye to illusions, changed your attitude to life. Be grateful for what you have now, and do not regret what you have lost.

What helps you take your mind off bad memories?

What we spend our energy on - both positive and negative - accumulates over time. If you dwell on pain, regrets, and guilt, they will continue to haunt you. If you focus on happiness and joy, you will notice that there are more of them in your life.

You must have had situations in your life when you tried to get rid of stress, but as a result, you started to get even more nervous. Or they wanted to calm down, but found even more reasons to worry.

The same thing happens when we try to let go of the past. Until we turn our attention completely to something else, we will continue to suffer from painful memories.

accept reality

Do not deny or push away painful memories. You can't focus on a problem and find a solution. Because the solution is always not where the problem is.

Try to switch. To do this, first accept reality. Don't argue with your thoughts and feelings. Don't resist. Don't push them away. Instead, let them exist.

For example, to come to terms with your guilt, tell yourself: “Yes, I am guilty.” If you can't forgive someone you've been wronged, say, "Yes, I can't forgive that person."

That doesn't mean it's all true. It's just a way to control negative thoughts and emotions so they don't control you. By agreeing with them, you stop the fight. And if there is nothing more to argue about, then negative thoughts and memories lose their power. 1:0 in your favor.

Let something new into your life

Change always causes fear, especially when we do not imagine what lies ahead for us. This is one of the reasons why we cling to painful memories so much. After all, they symbolize that habitual and familiar, from which we are afraid to refuse.

To prevent this from happening, try to imagine as carefully as possible what will happen in the future. Instead of pushing away unwanted emotions, let positive ones into your life.

Focus on your desires

Mentally scrolling through our mistakes, dwelling on the past, we only get upset. This not only darkens the future, but also makes the present bleak.

Stop pushing away painful memories and accept reality. Say yes to worry, guilt, and other negative thoughts. So you can free yourself from their influence.

Then imagine how you would like your life to be. Focus on your desires, not on the past.