Methodological development on the topic: Training for novice educators “The calling of a teacher or just believe in yourself. Training session just believe in yourself

Members- students in grades 7-8 (no more than 10 people), children with low self-esteem.

Purpose of the lesson: formation of motivation to achieve success and self-confidence.

Tasks:

• understand the essence of achieving success;
• create situations of awareness of one's inner world;
• build confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Equipment: cards for business cards (you can take ready-made business cards), “Magic Box”, pens, pencils, sheets of paper.

Expected Result: overcoming feelings of insecurity, group work, public speaking (not necessary for all participants, as this is one of the activities planned by the program).

Lesson progress

1. Greeting

Guys! There are often times in our lives when we feel insecure. Sometimes we are embarrassed to say some words out loud, we are afraid that we will not be understood. Let's start our lesson with a greeting. We will greet each other in a circle, pronouncing the words of greeting in a whisper, in the ear of our neighbor.

And then all together, loudly pronounce the words we heard.

2. Acquaintance

After the greeting, offer to choose a card with a name of your choice (“the most fun (th)”, “the most beautiful (th)” ...). The name should reflect what the participants are afraid to say about themselves out loud, doubt, feel a sense of insecurity. In turn, naming yourself, explain why they took this particular “name” for the duration of the training and tell a little about yourself.

3. Introduction to the topic. Reading the parable "Blind your own happiness"

God molded a man out of clay, and he had an unused piece left.

What else to blind you? God asked.

Blind me happiness, - the man asked.

God did not answer, and only put the remaining piece of clay in the man's palm.

4. Discussion: What does this parable teach? (Participants speak at will).

5. Generalization. In life, everything is in our hands, in any situation, everyone has their own choice. The meaning of this parable lies in each of the statements below.

“Each of us himself minted the price of his personality. A person is great or small, depending on his will. ”(S. Smiles)

"The true purpose of man is to live, not to exist." (Stendhal)

"It's time to stop waiting for unexpected gifts from life, and make life yourself." (L. N. Tolstoy)

6. Task. Create two groups of 5 people

Imagine that you stayed for two years in a place where there is no school, no computer, almost no communication, but there is a library where you can find literature for various purposes. What are you going to do? Make a program of your life for these two years.

Introduce us to your program.

7. Deepening the topic. Each participant reads one paragraph of the program.

And here is what program L. N. Tolstoy compiled for himself.

Now I ask, what will be the purpose of my life in the country for two years?

1. Study the entire course of legal sciences required for the final examination at the university.
2. Study practical medicine and part of the theoretical one.
3. Learn languages: French, Russian, German, English, Italian, Latin.
4. Explore Agriculture both theoretical and practical.
5. Study history, geography and statistics.
6. Study mathematics, gymnasium course.
7. Write a dissertation.
8. Achieve an average degree of perfection in music and painting.
9. Write the rules.
10. Compose essays from all the subjects that I will study.

8. Discussion. Issues for discussion.

1. When is life meaningful, and when is it meaningless? (A person must have certain goals)

2. When does a person achieve his goals? (If you believe in yourself and work on yourself) The most important thing is to believe in yourself now, today. To do this, let's do some exercises.

9. Exercise

"Magic Box" The psychologist invites the children to take out the cards with statements written on them from the box and read what is written there, accompanying the reading with the words: “do you agree with this statement?” The child may agree, doubt or refuse. The task of the psychologist, on the one hand, is to support the child, on the other hand, to convince him that this quality is present in him.

Consolidation of the result of the previous exercise.

Each member of the group is invited to imagine himself standing on the stage. The child becomes facing the “spectators” and says the phrase read in the previous exercise three times, for example: “I can do everything”, “I am the best!” etc. And the first time is quiet, the second time - louder, and the third - very loudly. The “spectators” meet the “performances” with thunderous applause and shouts of “Bravo!”

10. Completion

Ask the participants how they felt on the “stage”. Share your mood and feelings received in the lesson. The psychologist suggests cutting out pictures from old magazines at home that correspond to the virtues of children, making a collage and hanging it in a conspicuous place and constantly working with it.

11. Conclusion

The final word of the psychologist. Achieving your goals in life, a person feels happy. But life is complicated. Overcoming difficulties, with honor to get out of difficult situations, your faith in yourself, the ability to creatively approach yourself and your life will help you.

After all, whatever you do, your activity will bring you joy only when you get satisfaction from work, see the results of your work, strive to improve, improve yourself. Satisfaction from the work performed, the joy of communicating with people is the most important moment of your life, one of the guarantees of human happiness.
And to turn a dark, small room into a bright, cozy "own world" - isn't it creativity and happiness?

To look at oneself in the mirror, to see the shortcomings, to be able to correct them - isn't it creativity?
Smiling at a sad passenger on a bus and getting a smile in return - isn't it happiness?
And if you feel that you can develop and expand your creativity, listen to your heart and mind, create yourself and the world according to the laws of beauty, then everything we talked about was not in vain.

Happiness and beauty to you!

Used Books

• Author-compiler N. N. Lubyanova "The world of masculinity, femininity and beauty" Publishing house "Uchitel" Volgograd 2007
• Magazine " Educational work at school» № 3 2009

We invite everyone on December 14 (Wednesday) at 18.30 to a meeting in the club of the Psychological Center for Solutions! Topic of the meeting: How to become self-confident?
The basis of my confidence is in myself!”: Methods and techniques of confidence training “Believe in yourself”.
For more information, see the information on the website: www.centresh.ru and by phone 545-85-07

How to become self-confident?
The training aims to create a sense of self-confidence in a person. In a group, by doing practical exercises, assignments and training, you develop the skills of confident action in different situations, the ability to say "no", to resist manipulation, to find a solution in a "hopeless" situation, etc. As practice shows, anyone can become confident.

Have you ever bought an item just because you find it hard to say "no" to the seller?
If someone speaks loudly in public transport or in the theatre, are you embarrassed to ask him to be quieter?
Do you find it difficult to ask a stranger about something?
Do you feel stressed when you need to keep up a conversation in an unfamiliar company?
Do you find it awkward to criticize your friends when they are clearly wrong?
Do you find yourself confused, not knowing what to answer if you receive a compliment?
Do you often feel like people are taking advantage of you?
Is it difficult for you to refuse a good friend when you understand that this request is unreasonable?
Does it ever feel uncomfortable for you to refuse to give your phone when you are insistently asked, but you don’t want to?
Do your children or subordinates think you are too soft?
Do you feel constrained and difficult to express yourself spontaneously in intimate relationships?
Do you prefer to suppress your feelings more often than to openly and sincerely express them?
Psychologists believe that "if you answered "YES" to more than three questions, it can be assumed that you are characterized by self-doubt. Confidence training "Believe in yourself" solves a whole range of problems that people come to training with:
learn self-control, cope with excessive anxiety and fear of an exam or responsible public speaking, etc.
stop being ashamed of your appearance (and therefore refuse social contacts)
overcome the feeling of shyness, stiffness, timidity, awkwardness, numbness in various situations interpersonal communication. (for example, do not get lost at the right moment, say a beautiful toast)
overcome the fear of being judged badly, the fear that I am doing something wrong or badly
learn to refuse, not considering that "to refuse means to be unnecessary"
realize the desire to do something in your life, develop, change yourself, overcome apathy and loss of strength
learn to perceive criticism adequately, bearing in mind the rule that "every opinion has the right to exist"
realize that we are only what we think of ourselves, and that the more we value and respect ourselves, the more others value and respect us.
At the Believe in Yourself confidence training, you will get answers to these questions, learn how your habitual ineffective behaviors work, and learn how to turn them into effective ways to achieve your goals. You will learn to communicate specifically and unambiguously and accurately understand other people and their motives, destroy relationships that are not suitable for you and build new ones without harming yourself and others, set goals, break them down into sequential tasks and solve them all in turn. You will learn the patterns of relationships and decisions of the most different problems overcoming obstacles. You will feel that you are able to change your life and the way people treat you.

And when you feel confident - it gives you the freedom to act, the courage to take risks and win, the strength to stand up for yourself, your opinion and your way of life.

And the last: "Everyone can do what he really wants. We are capable of more things than we think" - Norman Vincent Peel

Training "Just believe in yourself"

Introduction : Self-confidence is a person's experience of his capabilities, both adequate to the tasks that he faces in life, and those that he sets himself. Self-confidence in any kind of activity takes place when a person's self-esteem corresponds to his real capabilities. If self-esteem is higher (lower) than real capabilities, then self-confidence (self-doubt) takes place, respectively. Self-confidence can also become a stable personality trait. Self-doubt and self-confidence are often associated with negative emotional experiences that disrupt the course of a person's mental development.

Target : to promote the acquisition of experience in speaking in front of an audience, increasing self-esteem, developing the skill of confident behavior, self-knowledge.

Required time : 1h 40m

Necessary materials : music player, disco music (moderate tempo), crayons, pencils, felt-tip pens, A4 paper.

warm up

Exercise "Washing"

Target : development of confidence in their body movements; overcoming the fear of speaking in front of an audience.

Time : 5 m.

materials : music (moderate tempo).

Procedure:

We wash the clothes (starting position - legs in the 6th position, hands below, in front of you, clenched into fists): movements of the hands up and down, the legs perform a spring.

We wring out the underwear (starting position - legs slightly apart, hands clenched into fists): turn the body to the right, body weight on the right leg, circular movements with the hands - spin; turning the body to the left, body weight on the left leg, circular movements with the hands - spin. Repeat the movements one more time.

We hang clothes (starting position - half-squat, arms along the body): leg movement with straightening, arms rise up to the right; leg movement with straightening, arms rise up to the left.

We attach underwear (initial position of the leg in the 6th position, hands on the belt): holding the left hand on the belt, raise the left hand up crosswise; keeping the left hand on the belt, raise the right hand up crosswise.

We fan ourselves (hot): movements of the palms of both hands in the direction of the body with a turn to the right; movements with the palms of both hands in the direction of the body with a turn to the left.

We wipe the sweat from the forehead (the initial position of the leg in the 6th position, the hands are arbitrary): in turn, we draw the left and right hands along the forehead.

We wipe our feet and go into the house (starting position - legs in the 6th position, hands on the belt): movements of the legs, as if they were being wiped on the floor; two steps forward.

Primary activity

Exercise "I am strong - I am weak"

Target : help group members distinguish confident behavior from insecure behavior, promote the development of self-confidence through role-playing.

Time : 10 m.

materials : not required.

Procedure : Participants are divided into pairs and each stand opposite each other. The first person in the pair holds out their hand. The second participant in the pair tries to lower the partner's hand by pressing on it from above. The first participant in the pair should try to hold his hand, while saying loudly and decisively: "I am strong." Now we repeat the same thing, but the first participant in the pair says “I am weak”, pronouncing it with the appropriate intonation, i.e. quiet, sad. Try to change.

Questions:

When was it easier for you to hold your hand: in the first or in the second case?

Why do you think?

What feelings did you experience while doing this exercise?

What effect did the phrases you uttered “I am strong”, “I am weak” have on the performance of the task?

5. Exercise "Drawing I"

Target : expand self-image, self-knowledge.

Time : 30 m.

materials : pencils or felt-tip pens, A4 paper.

Procedure : Taking pencils or felt-tip pens, paper, participants are located anywhere in the room. It is desirable that no one sit next to each other. On a piece of paper, they have to draw their own image in allegorical form as they imagine themselves. A certain amount of time is given for drawing. For example, after 10 minutes, after which one should not strictly demand the end of the drawing, each participant should be given the opportunity to finish his drawing in a calm atmosphere.

Instructions for participants : You can draw whatever you want. It can be a picture of nature, a still life, an abstraction, a fantasy world, an action-packed situation, something in the style of a rebus, in general, anything, but with what you associate, connect, explain, compare yourself, your state of life, your nature.

Questions:

What qualities does this person have?

Is he a confident person or vice versa?

When they spoke about your drawing, what feelings did you experience?

Does everything said about this picture match your qualities?

Exercise "Additional drawing"

Target : to reveal a tendency to insecurity.

Time : 30 m.

materials : colored crayons, pencils or felt-tip pens, A4 paper.

Procedure : The pattern is sent around. One of the participants begins to draw, the other continues, adding something, and so on in a circle.

The drawing can be done with colored crayons, felt-tip pens, pencils ... The drawing is done on one landscape sheet, because. The theme is to increase confidence. With each subsequent addition, the space will decrease, which can confuse an insecure person, because. it will "disturb" the other's drawing.

When analyzing the resulting drawing, the artistic level of its implementation is not taken into account. First of all, we are talking about the feelings of the subjects tested by the subject when adding someone else's drawing, the lack of places where you can draw something of your own, the fear of spoiling what has already been drawn ...

Questions:

Did you complete the drawing?

If not, why not?

Is that what you would like to add?

If not, why not?

What exactly did you picture?

Exercise "I am a star"

Target : developing skills of confident behavior.

Time : 20 m.

materials : not required.

Procedure : The exercise is carried out in a circle. Each participant chooses for himself the role of a star that is significant for him and at the same time known to those present (Alla Pugacheva, President of Ukraine, fairy-tale character, literary hero, etc.). Then he conducts a self-presentation (verbally or non-verbally: he says a phrase or shows some gesture that characterizes his star). The rest of the participants try to guess the name of the "idol".

Questions:

Was it difficult for you to choose the role of a significant and famous star for yourself?

What is similar between you and the chosen star?

What feelings did you have during the presentation?

Did you try to show the star you chose in a way that was understandable to others?

Where was it easier to show or guess?

Completion

Exercise "Wishing in a circle"

Target : to raise the general emotional mood and emphasize a benevolent attitude towards each other.

Time : 5 m.

materials : not required.

The facilitator invites the members of the group to wish something to their neighbor.

Questions for the entire training:

Has your self-image changed?

What experience did you get for yourself at this training today?

What new things have you learned about yourself?

What conclusions did you draw for yourself?

Sources:

Gorbushina O.P. Psychological training. Secrets of the conduct. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2008. - 176 p.: ill. - (Series " Practical psychology"). 105 p.

Kireycheva E.V., Kireychev A.V. Psychological training for the development of self-concept. - Yalta, 2006. - S. 80. 11 p.

Psychomotor: practical work. Head helper. - K .: R59 Glavnik, 2006. - 144 p. - (series "Psychological Instruments"). 55-56 p.

Yatsenko T.S., Kmit Ya.M., Oleksienko B.M. Active social and psychological education: theory, process, practice: Navchalniy sibnik. - Khmelnitsky: Vidavnitstvo NAPVU, 2002. -792 p. 52 p.

Training "Just believe in yourself."

Teacher psychologist SSIOSSD

Shakirova Malika Shaimardanovna

Target:

Open and realize your views and habits (self-improvement, self-exploration, self-knowledge).

Increasing the level of self-confidence, willpower

Definition of cohesion of children

Collect Additional information from the participants of the training

Reducing the level of tension, anxiety and the knowledge of one's unrevealed potential.

Training rule:

"Here and Now" it is important to understand the processes, thoughts and feelings and feelings that arise in the group at the moment. Thus, they teach participants to focus on themselves and on what is happening around them at the present time. The way a person manifests himself “here and now” shows how he behaves.

"Sincerity and openness" - do not lie and do not be hypocritical. It is necessary to ensure that members of the group do not lie or act hypocritically. A sign of a strong and healthy personality is a certain openness to those around you of your feelings according to what is happening. This is the basis of effective interpersonal interaction. Each member of the group should feel protected and have the right to open up in one way or another, as he sees fit.

"I"- in the group it is forbidden to use reasoning like: "Everyone has such an opinion ...", "We think so ...". All statements must be built using "I". Thus, we teach a person to take responsibility and accept himself as he is.

"Activity" - there should be no passive observers in the group. If group members refuse to take part in the processing of skills and behaviors, but it is worth paying attention to discussing their motivation for the goals of attending the training.

"Confidentiality" - everything that is said in the group regarding the participants must remain within the group. This is a natural ethical requirement, which is a condition for creating an atmosphere of psychological security and self-disclosure.

5 minutes are allotted for discussion of the rules. When the rules are accepted, the host says the word “I promise!”, The group members too.

Psychological mood. An exercise: " funny ball ».

Purpose: warm-up, development of the ability to speak and listen to compliments.

Let's start today with a game. Throwing this ball to each other in turn, we will talk about unconditional virtues, strengths the one to whom the ball is tossed. We will be careful that everyone has the ball.

Exercise: "Intonation"

Purpose: correction of closure.

On small pieces of paper, the group writes the name of any feeling, emotion. Then the sheets are collected, shuffled and distributed again. Now the group decides which phrase, line from the verse to take as a basis further action. After that, the participants take turns pronouncing this phrase with an intonation corresponding to the feeling that they have written down on a piece of paper. The rest of the group guesses with what intonation the phrase was uttered.

Exercise: "Training of emotional stability."

Purpose: an exercise to develop stamina, concentration, gain experience in raising the emotional state.

Instructions: Participants are divided into pairs and sit facing each other, as close as possible. The exercise is performed in three stages:

Psychologist: "tune in to peace and quiet in your soul and your body." After emotional stability has been formed at the previous stage, the task becomes more complicated: now you will sit motionless but with your eyes open. While doing this, you look into your partner's eyes and try to keep your calm. After these preparatory exercises in each pair, one of the participants chooses the role of a trainer. The task of the coach is to make laugh or somehow shake the emotional balance. Then the exercise continues, it is important that the trainer again repeats what unbalanced his partner. Repeated repetition forms resistance to this irritant.

Exercise: “I am who I am”, ART therapy.

Purpose: To help participants develop a more objective self-assessment.

Instruction: Participants draw themselves so that no one can see. After that, the drawings are collected and mixed. An exchange of impressions is made for each drawing.

Exercise: "But ...".

Purpose: to reduce the level of frustration or stress. Finding possible ways to resolve it.

The psychologist offers each participant in the game to briefly describe on a piece of paper any unfulfilled desire, any actual stressful or conflict situation, currently unresolved or remembered as intractable (anonymity of authorship is allowed).

Then the psychologist collects all the sheets, mixes them up and offers the participants the following discussion procedure:

Each written situation is read out to the group and the participants must give as many reasons as possible to the fact that this situation is not at all intractable, but simple, funny or even beneficial with the help of bundles like: “But ...”, “It could be worse! ”, “I didn’t really want to, because ...” or “Great, because now ...”;

After all the situations are read out and all possible options of attitude towards them are expressed, the coach proposes to discuss the results of the game and the real help that each participant received for himself.

Exercise: "I love...I can...I want...".

Purpose: a positive attitude, the development of a sense of empathy, increased self-esteem.

Instructions: Passing the ball around, complete the phrase "I love ..", then "I want ...", and finally "I can ...".

Analysis: Was it difficult to talk about yourself? How did you feel when you talked about yourself?

Exercise: "WISHING IN A CIRCLE"

Target: raise the general emotional mood and accentuate a benevolent attitude towards each other.
The group members are invited to wish their neighbor something.

Questions for the entire training:
1. Has your self-image changed?
2. What experience did you get for yourself at this training today?
3. What have you learned about yourself?
4. What conclusions did you draw for yourself?

Self-doubt. It would seem that this is not such a terrible vice. Well, just think, he doubted and did not go on a date with a girl or canceled a business meeting. The world did not collapse from this. The girl, of course, was offended, the partners did not want to do business with you anymore. So what? And who knows, maybe this girl is your destiny, and it is this business meeting that would turn the wheel of fortune in your favor? You don't know this because you didn't take your chance because of simple self-doubt.

And if we calculate how many losses occur in life due to timidity and indecision, I assure you - your hair will stand on end. Energy, money, people - all this is devoured by the merciless fire of your doubts. Only shadows of memories of unfulfilled dreams remain on the ashes.

But you can change your life and get everything you are entitled to from it: good friends, a job, money, a beloved wife, health.

To do this, you need to become a self-confident person. It's in your hands. You just need to read the book and work out the tasks that are given in it.

After all, where does confidence come from?

It is born from knowledge. Knowing yourself and your abilities. You are confident because you know.

It is born from understanding. Understanding what is happening around and how to act in this particular situation. You are confident because you understand.

That's all! Simple formula. Know yourself and understand the situation.

Self-confidence comes from knowing yourself and understanding the situation.

This is theory, but what happens in practice? Knowing yourself is very difficult. Fear prevents it. Fear of being exposed: what if they find out that I'm not like everyone else? Fear of the unknown: What if there is something in me… such… such that I don’t even know myself. But I assure you, all these fears are completely overcome, and you cannot even imagine how much easier it is to breathe without them.

Understanding the situation you are in is also a very difficult task for most people. There is no university that teaches this. Some gifted specimens intuitively exist in this world, controlling the situation and pulling the strings of fate. I suggest that you bring these skills to a conscious level and learn to chart the course of your life with confidence.

We are naturally given such a psychological structure as learning. So let's use it to its fullest. It is given to you, as it is given to everyone. The main thing is to choose the right technique. I offer a technique that suits everyone. Its versatility has already proven itself: young people, old people, students, and managers - everyone gains confidence, everyone who feels inner discomfort and wants to learn.

Of course, if you are absolutely confident in yourself, you do not need to read this book. Just remember that a self-confident person is blind, a self-confident person sees the essence of things. He knows and understands.

So, we understood what we should strive for: to know ourselves and to understand the situation. But here's the problem. No book will do to you what you should do to yourself. I cannot wave a magic wand and turn you into a confident person. But I can show you the direct path to confidence that others have taken before you. I'm not going to play tricks and show tricks here in front of you. What you learn from the book is sure to work, and very effectively.

So what can you get from this book:

to know the real one;

learn to feel confident in an unfamiliar situation;

confidently carry on a conversation;

communicate confidently;

speak confidently in front of an audience;

deal with shyness, anger and anxiety;

risk confidently.

You will discover new energy opportunities. An insecure person spends energy on anxiety, anger, fear and loses his strength, which is necessary to achieve the goal. You will learn how to use this energy for "peaceful purposes". You have no idea how much easier and more fun your life will be!

Throw away doubts and move on to the confidence that will fill your muscles with energy and your heart with the joy of being.

Chapter 1

To be yourself, you have to be someone.

Stanislav Jerzy Lei

By risking being here with me on this page, you have taken the first step towards gaining self-confidence. I described everything simply, clearly and chose the most effective exercises. Someone will say: "This is nonsense, everything is too simple." But, be that as it may, this "nonsense" works. Even if you read a single chapter, learn only the rule that is contained in it, and set yourself only the task that is proposed in this chapter, you will not only achieve some results - your sense of confidence will increase significantly.

So where does insecurity come from? "What will happen if…" - we ask a question. And fear of the unknown is born. In order to become confident, you need to put this fear to your service - to make the future as predictable as possible, that is, to consider all the possible possibilities for turning events in one direction or another. After all, when we know what can happen, even if it is not the most pleasant incident, we are no longer afraid.

And don't forget: we can change ourselves. We choose ourselves every minute, every hour. "How it is?" - you ask. Very simple. For example, your friend treated you to coffee, which she made in a new coffee maker, terribly fashionable and very expensive. You liked the coffee prepared according to French technology, it seemed both more aromatic and more tender than the usual "espresso". The next day you went to the store and bought yourself exactly the same coffee maker and now every morning you enjoy the taste of a great mocha, and you feel very modern and advanced, just like your girlfriend. But you could also do the opposite: not buy any new coffee makers, but decide that your way of making coffee in an oriental way is much better than all these newfangled technologies that are mushrooming every day. And every morning you brew a divine drink in your old well-deserved Turk and rejoice at how practical and smart you are. Here is your choice. What do you want to become: advanced or practical?

This choice is usually made unconsciously. In order to become self-confident, you need to be aware of yourself in this moment. I-create myself. And you too. I invent myself. And you do the same. Both you and I are not what we eat; we are what we think.

By definition, confidence is an attitude, your attitude towards yourself, towards people and situations. And the settings can be changed. The world will remain the same, you just change the angle of view, and the usual picture of the world will become somewhat different.

Self-confidence is an attitude.

One of my patients, Evgenia, came to me complaining of persistent depression.

You are my last hope, doctor, - she said almost in tears, - I don't know where to go, what to do. But my life is so hopeless that I can't take it anymore! I endured as long as I had the strength, but there is a limit to everything!

I saw that she was really in despair: a pale, unkempt woman with an extinct look. She didn't seem to care what she looked like. I asked what specifically caused her despair.

Entire life! - she exclaimed. - I wake up in the morning and think - why do I need everything?

More precisely? Maybe your family or work gives you grief?

Evgenia thought about it.

Work? Yes, it does not give me pleasure. I am a teacher by profession, but the school has already "got me". I think that once upon a time I made a mistake and now I am paying for it. And after all, just think how late it pops up, just when nothing can be changed - I love children, and at the institute I was interested in pedagogy, but as soon as I worked for several years .... You know, we have such a terrible teaching staff, they put spokes in my wheels all the time, the children are so difficult now, the parents do not help at all, they blamed everything on us, the teachers, and the director is busy only trying to pump out more money from the parents, allegedly for school needs...

What about your family?

Evgenia, it turns out, has a husband and two children whom she loves very much. But the husband "does not understand her" and "consoles her so clumsily that it only gets worse," and the children do not obey, although they should already understand how hard it is for their mother to work and feed, water, and dress them.

So what do we have? Evgenia has a rather interesting job, which she once chose herself. She is young, healthy, she has a loving husband and children. However, she is deeply unhappy. I had a long conversation with this woman, trying to find the root of her troubles in objective circumstances, although certain guesses appeared in my mind almost immediately. Soon they were confirmed: Evgenia categorically refused to take responsibility for her life. Despite the fact that she verbally admitted that she herself chose a profession, husband, children, but she safely shoved the blame for the consequences of her choice onto those around her. From this, a feeling of insecurity is born, and after it - depression.

We cannot change the world, therefore, if we are sure that others are to blame for our troubles (which are the consequences of our actions), then we are not able to influence the situation. You need to be aware of this idea. Only person, which you can really change - it's you. But for this you need to understand that only you are responsible for your actions, decisions, mistakes. Not in front of colleagues at work, not in front of a jury, but in front of himself.

Evgenia came to see me a few days ago. She is unrecognizable - a beautiful, cheerful woman.

Honestly, - she admitted to me, - when I remember my life a year ago, I do not understand myself. Why was I unhappy? Where did these depressions come from? I was blind as a kitten. It feels like it was a different person

I am responsible for everything

Take personal responsibility for your behavior. When you say "I'm in charge of this", you get the opportunity to build a new life, even new world.

Theologians and philosophers for centuries have been preaching the simple truth, which is that fate is not what happens to you, not what you expect. Fate is a choice, your choice. You choose the life you lead. Each of us has the ability to become happy.

You say: "How can I be happy when I have so many problems!" That's for sure. I can take your hand, cry with you, express my condolences to you, say: “Yes, I know that everything is bad, that life is unfair, that you cannot do anything about adverse life circumstances, that you cannot influence to events that spoil your life, that the disease that torments you is a punishment from above. Yes, I understand and sympathize with you that we cannot avoid all the disappointments, losses and tragedies that occur in our lives, and, of course, from birth we receive far from equal opportunities. Okay, we agreed that life is a nasty thing.

And where will it take us? Right into the swamp of depression and despondency. All! There is nothing further. But if you say to yourself: "I am responsible for all this rubbish, and only I. And, despite the fact that I am not able to prevent all possible failures, I am responsible for what I do, no matter how gloomy circumstances spoil me life. Yes, terrible things happen, but how I react to them determines my character and the quality of my life." You see, there is already some light in the hopelessness. Move on.

"If only I am responsible for everything, then I can choose in favor of eternal sadness, paralyzed by the weight of my losses, or I can choose a different path - to rise, despite the pain, and appreciate the main treasure given to me from the very beginning - life itself."

Task 1. Get rid of irresponsibility

It's easy to say, "I'm in charge." But how can I in real life every minute, hourly be responsible for my actions, for my life? First you need to learn how to catch criminal thoughts in your mind: "It's his fault!" "Circumstances forced me." Cinema will help us with this. Yes, yes, don't be surprised. Only this movie is yours and about you. In the morning, barely waking up, we set up an imaginary movie camera and turn it on. All day this movie camera will shoot a feature film, the main character of which is you. All your movements in space (mise-en-scenes), gestures (close-up), thoughts (internal monologue of the hero) are recorded on a movie camera.

At the end of the day, before going to bed, sit down at your desk with a clean sheet of paper and a pen in front of you. And start scrolling through your film, "shot" in a day. The film must be watched from the end. That is, first you watch the events or scenes that were the last for this day, then those that happened earlier, and at the end - what happened in the morning. Pay attention to those moments when you say to someone or to yourself: "I am not responsible for this", "I am not to blame, circumstances forced me", etc. Write down everything for which you "were not responsible" in during the day. If you did everything right and your "movie camera" worked continuously and smoothly, you will find a huge number of irresponsibility loopholes that you reserve for yourself. You may not even have enough one sheet of paper. But if you find them and write them down, that's a big deal.

You have taken the first step towards taking responsibility, towards self-confidence.

You and I are people, and a person is capable of unlimited changes. You can lead a full, rich life - the main thing is to believe in it. When you say to yourself "I am responsible for my life", you will gain tremendous strength to achieve your goals, unshakable self-confidence and will not take sorrows and troubles to heart.

You are unique!

To fully accept responsibility, we must understand who we really are? Have you ever asked yourself: "Who am I?"

You are the only one you have throughout your life. In front of a mirror or in front of a microphone, you are who you are, and to recognize this simple truth is to go towards knowing yourself.

Three factors determine who you are:

* heredity,

* environment and

* the most important factor is that you answer yourself the question: "Who am I?"

Understand that you are unique.

Science has established that the chances of having a second exactly the same individual are close to zero. Ejaculation releases about 300 million spermatozoa. That's three hundred million potential people. Further, the physiology of both parents should be taken into account. At the same time, three hundred million spermatozoa are involved in only one sexual intercourse at a particular point in time.

Simple arithmetic helps us understand how unique each of us is. Imagine the three hundred million chances you were to come out of! Add to this that your mother had a one in three hundred million chance of being just that, and your father had another one in three hundred million chances. By counting, you will find that the probability of your birth is 300,000,000 times 300,000,000 times 300,000,000, not counting the chances for your parents to meet in the first place and to conceive you in the second place. You are the result of an incredible set of circumstances, a one-in-a-billion winner.

You are unique!

Let's take it one step further: is what we are determined by our genes (or chromosomes, or chemical processes)? Only partly. With heredity, our uniqueness only begins. Heredity - all these genetic combinations that cause our cells to form brown or blue eyes, curly or straight hair, provide immunity against certain disorders and diseases - this is just a machine that we drive.

Road conditions and weather are our surroundings. A car can travel 100 miles per hour on a clear, sunny day on a newly built highway. But on a broken country road at night during a hurricane, this car may not budge at all.

Heredity dictates how high we can jump under perfect conditions. It determines how much information we can perceive and assimilate, what growth we can achieve, how fast we can run. Heredity is our potential, and the environment is our possibilities. If you were genetically equipped to be the world's greatest long-distance swimmer, but were unfortunately born two hundred years ago into an Eskimo yaranga, chances are you are not living up to your potential as a swimmer. You won't have the opportunity or the right environment.

If heredity is the car and the environment is the road conditions, then you yourself are the driver. It is you, more than any other factor, that determines the speed and reliability of the machine.

Who you are depends on the potential you inherited, the opportunities you received, and the choices you made. The final factor - your response to heredity and environment - is more important than the arithmetic multiplication of 300,000,000 by 300,000,000 by 300,000,000.

It is your own choice that makes you completely unique.

Your hopes are real!

We have the heredity that we have inherited, our environment is largely beyond our control. We now have a chance to meet life face to face, to make a choice and, most importantly, not to lose hope. A disaster can make you helpless, but hope - real hope - makes you rise again, train your muscles, learn to walk again and even fly (remember Maresyev).

Real hope is based on real possibilities, even if it seems to you that life is like a script written by someone who wanted to see how much hardship we can endure.

Real hope is towards the real world, real life, it is an active effort.

Unrealistic hopes are dangerous, they are pathological. Unrealistic hopes overwhelm a cancer patient who denies that he is sick. The real hope recognizes the disease and strives to recover or recognize the incurability.

Real hope reminds us that each of us is the driver of our own car, and not a helpless appendage to the wheels.

One of the participants in the "Superpowers" training, a well-known politician, once told me an episode from his childhood:

“I spent my childhood and adolescence in a small, endangered suburban village, three-quarters of the population of which were alcoholics. in the evening, also in the darkness reeking of gasoline, the crowd returned and spread over the beer stalls and rotten rickety houses. And so day after day. I went to school in the same village, and it seemed to me that on the faces of my classmates I I see the seal of doom. This is how their fathers and grandfathers lived - they worked and drank - this is how their children are destined to live. My fate will be different, I thought; went, and one day I realized: but I'm no different from these guys. Their fate is my fate. The same thing awaits me as theirs. When I realized this, goosebumps ran down my back from horror.

But then I felt wild anger.

I'll get out of here, I swore to myself. And, as far as I remember, it was the first serious decision of this kind in my life."

His story is a typical example of how a person can overcome adverse circumstances, and even more than that, how exactly these circumstances can serve as an incentive to overcome their own inertia and awaken fighting qualities in a person: perseverance, determination, passion.

Conscious, active efforts are the basis of change for the better. If you make an effort, your hope will turn into confidence. If you don't lift a finger, hope will turn into empty dreams.

Task 2. Look for real hope

Over the next seven days, pay attention to all the times you come across real hope and empty dreams, no matter how big or small.

Let's say you wake up in the morning, stretch and think: "Oh, now I would have a jog in the park, and then take a cold shower! .." (and fall asleep again or - cheerfully jump out of bed, putting on a tracksuit ...) Then sit down to have breakfast ("What - the chair under me cracked - I should finally lose weight") and eat oatmeal with water and an apple (or a piece of cake left over from dinner). Your employee, approaching his institution twenty minutes late, looks around the building with pleasure and says: "When I become a director, it will be necessary to repaint it in green color". Your buddy tells you about what kind of car he wants to buy - ask him what he did to achieve his dream, etc. Make a list.

Review the list at the end of the week. Ask yourself the following questions:

What kind of response do people who live in real hopes meet from those around them, and what kind of empty dreams? What does the person focus on in the first and second cases? Don't forget to save the list. We will return to the analysis of the obtained data.

And now - an old Chinese parable.

Once upon a time there was an old man who got up every day at dawn, climbed to the top of the nearest hill that blocked the rising sun, picked up a stone, came down the hill and threw a stone on the opposite bank of the stream behind the house. Over time, his son and grandson joined him. One day the grandson asked: "Why are we doing this?" "You will do this, teach your children and grandchildren to carry stones," the old man replied, "and sooner or later we will move the hill." The boy objected: "But, grandfather, you will never see the hill moved to another place." The old man shook his head and said, "No, but I know that the day will come when it will be moved."

Chapter 2

Is everyone obliged, having found something valuable in himself, to report it to the nearest police station?

Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Let's agree right away: we are what we think. Of course, most of us are accustomed to perceive the environment separately from our self. For example, an ordinary table. What can happen to him if you think about him? It would seem that absolutely nothing - as he stood on his four legs, he will stand. Here I am looking closely at my desk: an ordinary old table, with a drawer. When I was a schoolboy, I pulled out this drawer, opened my favorite book on the right page, and laid out textbooks on the tabletop. And if my mother came into the room, I casually closed the drawer and pretended to work hard. Even now, this box slides easily and silently. But in this place the countertop is burned through. The tan appeared when I first fell in love. I was in a hurry for a date, ironing my shirt and forgot to turn off the iron. When I look at this black spot, I immediately remember that crazy summer, and my puppy delight and this girl ... This table is a part of my life, and it even seems to me that it is he who brings me luck. He works amazingly well behind him, I wrote all my books here. So it turns out that if you carefully look around, it becomes clear that you endow the world around you with your memories, impressions, emotions. And you see a slightly different picture that I see or your girlfriend, any other person.

The world we live in is shaped by how we perceive it. For one person, what lies ahead is empty space. For another, it is a field that needs to be plowed. We are not born optimists or pessimists. It's just that some of us learn to see danger while others learn to see opportunities. But the ability to learn is inherent in man by nature. Both you and I can learn to see the world more clearly and distinctly.

Self-confidence is an attitude, a system of beliefs that make us see the world from a certain angle. It is a filter through which all our life experiences pass, a filter that we as humans begin to form in our minds from the very first infantile movements. Why does someone have this confidence, and someone is tormented by doubts about their competence all their lives?

A living organism repeats actions that in the past brought him satisfaction, and these actions are often fixed and persistently repeated even if they have long ceased to bring the expected satisfaction.

This is true both for the simplest organisms and for complex human beings. Every student read about the experiments of I.P. Pavlov with dogs that salivated in response to the ringing of a bell, even when this reaction was no longer supported by food.

And what about ourselves?

Can you think of a single person who never acts childish? We constantly repeat the behavioral stereotypes that we have learned in our early years.

To begin with, let's look at how deeply the good old ways of perceiving are embedded in our personality. Remember how many times you were told as a child: "Don't touch it! Don't swallow it! Don't go there! Put it back!" And this despite the fact that the most important thing remained unspoken: "Do what I tell you to do!" Remember?

Of course, your parents did this solely out of love for you. But you must realize that much of what we remember suppresses our ability to act boldly: older ones are bigger, stronger and wiser. Here's what it can lead to.

As an example, I will give a case from my own practice. A squat middle-aged man comes into my office. He brought his son, a teenager of about sixteen, to the reception. The guy immediately sits down on a chair at the far wall and gloomily looks at me from under his brows. The father, who also does not give the impression of a cheerful person, begins to complain about the behavior of his son.

Just imagine what he gave us recently! I want to play the guitar!

So what?! Is it bad!

He needs to go to college, think about business! We raised him, raised him, and grew up ... - Father bites his tongue - it seems that he is restraining himself so as not to characterize his son with a harsh word in front of a stranger. - A slacker, mediocrity, the wind is walking in my head! Who will feed their parents in old age? He will ruin his life, and nothing more.

I furtively look at my son: On his face is the usual sullenness and indifference. It seems that he does not hear his father at all, as if he is sitting behind a glass wall. But who knows how he really feels? I ask my father to clarify the situation. What's wrong with playing the guitar? The father willingly develops the theme: it turns out that the son does not want to go to the institute that his parents chose for him. He doesn't want to go to college at all. All he is interested in is music.

Why, in this case, does not your son go to the conservatory or a good music school? I ask.

Where is he! The father waves his hand. - I told you - complete mediocrity. He would go where he was told, and not twitch. I know what to advise - I myself studied at this institute. I have acquaintances there, they will help me to enter, and when I finish, I will tell you about work ... In general, I will not leave you unattended. And if he strums on his guitar, he will get drunk in a month.

Everything is clear with my father, now I need to talk to my son. I ask my father to come out and wait outside the door for fifteen minutes. I suddenly encounter resistance - the father categorically declares that he must hear everything that his son says. In the end, I manage to get dad out the door. In the end, he whispers loudly to me: "Convince him, doctor, let him stop playing the fool, otherwise I don't know how to deal with him!" I close the door behind him and turn to my son. There is undisguised hatred in his eyes. It is clear that he will not believe a single word of mine, and he will take all the advice exactly the opposite. I involuntarily sigh: the situation is difficult, there is a lot of work ahead, and it seems that it is not the son who needs to be treated, but the father.

I think that any normal man who has children considers himself a kind, capable and loving father. However, love for a child does not insure parents against mistakes. For example, a father unreasonably transfers a number of his complexes to his son. No doubt he wants to keep his child from getting too big risk, and therefore focuses on danger, not on opportunities, on vulnerability, not on strength. Why? Because he, in his own way, loves his son very much, worries about his safety, about his future.

Sometimes our worries take precedence over common sense, and we parents unwittingly harm our children. So don't judge your older relatives for not always behaving reasonably with you, but ask important questions to yourself - questions that will push you to understand who you really are, and therefore - to achieve the desired confidence. in itself.

Or here's another case. Before me sits Elena, a richly and tastefully dressed woman. In appearance, you can’t give her 39 years. Behavior, manner of speaking - like a person who determines his own destiny and holds everything in his hands. Typical business woman. But in the eyes - confusion. She starts from a distance. For a long time, with enthusiasm, he talks about his student years, about the hopes of his youth. She is a sculptor by education, she graduated from the Academy of Arts and worked as a "free artist" for several years: she sculpted, occasionally exhibited ... But her enthusiasm faded, material problems obscured her creative prospects. And then came the 90s

I finally abandoned the sculpture and went into business. Things went almost immediately, - says Elena. - You know, the contrast is striking. Before - constant loneliness, a dusty workshop ... And now - always in public, in the center of events, and money, big money ... For several years I did not remember that there, inside, I am still an artist.

And now you remember?

Do you think I'm broke? Or tired, old, and wanted to rest? she asks haughtily. - I never waste time making important decisions. A year ago, I realized that my life is spiritually absolutely empty, that the only incentive to work now that I am financially secure is more money, even more money! I consider myself not so primitive a person as to be satisfied with such a crude stimulus.

Can't you combine creativity and business?

No, - Elena confidently answers, - I hate half measures. You see, it's not that I can't make a decision. After all, I sold my business a long time ago and returned to what my vocation has always been - to sculpture. There were no regrets. I feel like I did the right thing. But my problem is that for almost three months now I have been doing nothing but comparing myself with friends, colleagues, acquaintances! And it torments me terribly! Many of my former classmates have achieved success, become well-known artists, and I am again at the zero level and it is unlikely that I will be able to overtake them. On the other hand, my business friends now think I'm an oddball who's gone bankrupt as well. And I can't even compare myself to them! What should I do? How can I get rid of all these comparisons, throwing.

It is perfectly natural to compare yourself with other people, even your friends, to look at your affairs as if from the outside. But, as you understand, how successful your friends are is a measure of their performance, not yours. Every successful athlete knows that the most effective method improve your results - play against a stronger player. On the other hand, if your self-assertion depends entirely on running faster, dressing better, earning more than anyone else, you will be disappointed. There will always be someone who can outdo you, now and in the future. Competition builds your confidence only when you have a real goal to improve yourself, not to beat someone else's achievements.

Have you ever noticed that people who achieve great results, like athletes, always raise the bar just a little bit higher? They achieve more and more because they set goals for themselves.

The only thing worth competing for in this life is self-improvement.

You ask yourself the question "Who am I?" And from that moment on, you are already moving forward along the road leading to a change in your landmarks. I think you understand how useful it is to follow this direction - through growing up to maturity.

As we grow up

One day the shell of childishness falls off you, as if some egg in which you were staying has broken. Suddenly, someone appears before us, full of his own significance, reacting strangely, provoking us, intolerant, ready to constantly argue, rude, boastful, perhaps even deceitful. We call this period of our life adolescence, and our parents remember it as a nightmare.

It seems like just yesterday we turned to our elders for approval and support. Now, in our teenage years, when the child's shell crumbles from us, we are in a torn state. We are not sure whether we are good or bad, strong or weak - I am a man or a boy, a woman or a girl. Sometimes, behind arrogance and boasting, we try to hide the insecurities that we constantly experience. Confused, depressed, and often frightened, we may act selfishly, dishonestly, recklessly. On the one hand, life appears as a joyful, exciting revelation. On the other hand, it upsets and worries us. Pimples cover the skin, tufts of hair come out in secluded places, the voice breaks, erotic dreams overcome. We passionately desire to understand, to take control of everything that happens to us.

We insistently ask: "Who am I?"

Of course, this question arises throughout life, but never again will we look for an answer with such ardor and reckless intolerance - and never will the answer seem so elusive to us. Who am I?

Children learn to trust, teenagers are looking for themselves.

It is during the teenage years that we begin our struggle to understand who and what we are, and our lives begin to seem completely chaotic to us. We frantically rush into situations we are not ready to manage, inevitably wandering from one convoluted story to another. Life is on the edge. We must be girl or woman, boy or man, good or bad, beautiful or unworthy. No shadows or halftones.

Do you remember, do you really remember?